Aside from reminding me of a post I wrote on #YesAllWomen awhile back, on how it is up to men to change the harassment of women, this article touched me because of this father's profound sense of responsibility to defend his daughter, at any cost.
It got me thinking about defense. When have I been defended? When have I NOT? What happened after that? Who are we responsible to defend? How can we defend? In what circumstances? A lot of questions, needless to say.
In thinking about it, I realized that, throughout my life, there have been different sources of "defense."
Obviously, as a child, my parents defended me. In middle school, I was being bullied on the bus. It was because I had short hair. Some dude, who thought he was terribly clever, funny, and was getting a real power trip out of it, thought it was hilarious to loudly and rudely proclaim me a lesbian. If someone sat next to me, he made comments, came to loud conclusions, etc. He was loud, obnoxious, and rude. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I don't sit back and tolerate things well. I told him just what I thought of him, how wrong he was, and how "mature" bullying made him look, but, because he was a bully, my defending myself did nothing for me.
After a few months of this bullying, I finally told my mom. THE NEXT DAY, she took time off work to drive me to school, let me go to class on my own, walked into the principal's office, and THREATENED TO KILL HER. "My daughter is being bullied on the bus," she had explained. "And, as the principal, if you don't do anything about this, I will kill you." I want you to imagine being backed into a corner by this short, fierce, Australian woman, who is threatening to kill you. Honestly, I'm not sure how my mother intended to follow through on that threat, as she is a very honest, religious person, but the threat was made, and I know my mom would have followed through if she had to!
And it worked. The principal had the fear of God put into her, the boy, somehow, I still don't know,punished, and never spoke to me on the bus again, and, for the last year of my middle school experience, the principal knew me by name, was always smiling at me, and was overly dramatic about knowing how she could help me in any way she could. I think she sincerely believed my mother would kill her.
I didn't always have the luxury of family close by, to help defend me with all my minor struggles. So I had the opportunity to try and learn how to know and respect myself, as well as defend myself, appropriately - whether that was telling the teacher that, no, my answer to the test question was TOTALLY right, and I'd write a 5-page essay to prove it, all the way to using weaponry against entitled, grabby beggars I had the misfortune of dating. (My weapon of choice was a chess set to the groin. It worked quite well, thank you.) Now, it's organizing against our apartment management when they charge us fees for services they don't provide, etc. (We totally just won that whole petition/certified letter/talk to a lawyer at BYU thing, just a few days ago! I'm still stoked!) I learned to defend myself.
Unfortunately, you CAN'T always defend yourself. I've been in situations where I've felt completely and utterly swamped, incapable of doing anything, or saying anything that would stop a harmful occurrence from taking place, that hurt me, or affected me in a real way. I couldn't stop it, and maybe mom wasn't there, right then, to make everything better. Family, those close relationships, or even your own strength of will IS NOT ALWAYS ENOUGH to defend you. You are "defense-less."
People need defending every single day. Just look at the news! How many cases have you heard of, where some kid was abused by his parents, some baby was abandoned in a garbage can, or on the side of the road? How many kids live in houses where they have to walk through animal feces, to move in between rooms? How many kids go hungry because mom is too stoned to go out and buy them food? How many of mom's boyfriends are shaking their babies, throwing puppies off balconies? How many kids?
Let's leave kids and move on, to older. The rate of teenage suicides/attempts/suicidality is disgusting. It's increasing. In the crisis office at the hospital, there is a constant undercurrent of, "Not another one." "Not a teenager." "He's ELEVEN??" "This is ridiculous!" How many cases of suicide have been in the news, lately, because some kid was bullied? So many! So many kids feel alone. And how many of teens are being taken advantage of, because they think it's socially required to send nude selfies? How many of them sit alone at school, eat alone? How many have no friends, and no support from their parents? Some HAVE support from their parents, but still fall into trouble, to the point that their parents despair, "I'm taking him, and I'm running away with him to northern Canada, and keeping him in a box, where this doesn't happen, anymore!" (That's a quote.) And who helps this mom?
How many adults are defenseless? How many adults look at the world, and can't find their place in it? How many can't afford insurances, or healthcare, who live out of their cars because they're uneducated, and their minimum wage job and mental illness prevent them from keeping an apartment? How many elderly women fall down in their homes, can't get up, and aren't missed, so they aren't discovered for days, until they've starved to death and died, very much alone and in pain? (Okay, let's be honest, this DOES happen, but probably not as much as I think it does, as personally, that's my number one fear on how I'm going to go.) But how many are abused in nursing homes, or at least forgotten?
Defense. Where are the cheerleaders when you need them?
Who plays defense? Honestly, it should be all of us. If you see something wrong, you do something about it. Is it uncomfortable to play defense? Sometimes. Is it, necessarily, what you want to do at that moment? Probably not. It's terribly inconvenient to have to "do something." Do it anyway.
Am I saying you can solve all the world's problems? Heal all the broken hearts? Feed all the homeless? Absolutely not. That's crazy-making. But you can definitely do something within your immediate range of influence. You can be the defense. You can protect someone. You can help someone in desperate need. (This isn't meant to be political, but sometimes it's as easy as, "You can VOTE!")
Maybe the defense someone needs is for you to speak up, advocate for them, tell someone off, offer a shoulder to cry on. Maybe the defense is organizing committees, groups, or just pointing someone in the right direction. I don't know! But I don't think you can err, too seriously, on the side of doing "too much." (Don't neglect your family or your own mental health. Enough said.) Help people. Do something. Defend them with passion.
There are amazing examples of defenders among us, that we can learn from. Curt Schilling, Mother Theresa! (It's always Mother Theresa.) Nelson Mandela, Emma Watson, Jackson Katz, Rebecca Hosking! Honestly, the list is as long as it is diverse, and for all different kinds of reasons! (Defending their family, the poor, the needy, the abused, the ANIMALS.)
But there is one defender who tops the list, who proclaimed Himself to be even, "a father to the fatherless," "a defense," "a shelter." Christ. He loves us. He has defended us, and He will defend us always, when we are right, and when we need Him. If you follow His example of defending others, you will never go wrong. In defense, Christ was brave, loving, and willing to sacrifice everything. Literally, everything.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland gave a talk, once, at BYU. One simple story that he tells has alwaysgiven me the strength to press on, even when defending people feels like it is too much, or too costly, or too tiring.
"An old Arabic legend," he says, "tells of a rider finding a spindly sparrow lying on its back in the middle of the road. He dismounted and asked the sparrow why his feet were in the air.
Replied the sparrow, "I heard the heavens were going to fall today."
"And I suppose you think your puny bird legs can hold up the whole universe?" laughed the horseman.
"Perhaps not," said the sparrow with conviction, "but one does whatever one can.""
I think in our loud, and evil world, what we need more of is defenders - people willing to take stands, risk personal discomfort, and do what is best in the name of others. We have enough excusers - people who take the easy way out by saying, "Well, it's not THAT bad." or "It really won't make a difference in the long run."
We need defenders. We need people who address the issues. We need people to stand up for the innocent, and the people who are looking for help, comfort, support, and assistance.
I'm starting to look forward with optimism for the future. You can always find the bad in the world, but the lines are being drawn in the sand. "Good" and "evil" are becoming clearer, more easy to discern. And so it is in times like this, in times of certainty in moral grounds, that we CAN take stands of defense, and should. STRONG defense. With so much wrong, we need so much more good to oppose it. And even if you feel that all you have are some puny legs, those puny legs are just what we need to keep the sky from falling.
