Some days I feel clever and independent. Some days I feel more clever and independent than other days. Some days I feel neither clever NOR independent.
Today I’m average.
I think I told a witty joke at work training, this morning, but that was the extent of my cleverness. So far as independence goes, I don’t feel much like that at all, really. It’s hard to feel independent when you’re not the bread winner in your family, and you have several small children dependent upon you for life necessities. Arguably, I’ve never been so “forced” into dependence as I am now, with children. To insist on perfect independence at this point would feel immoral. I chose these children, so now I will see them through, in raising them. (Happily. Happily, in my case, I should add.)
An old Elder Holland quote from 2003 has resurfaced, in recent days, attached to a picture of “modern” Holland, where Holland accused people who leave the church and lead others away from “faithfulness” as wanting to be “clever and independent.” It is an odd accusation, but milder than the more recent President Nelson accusation that those who leave the church are “Lazy Learners and Lax Disciples.”
I’m still trying to figure this quote out. As often happens, you can say a lot of words that sound nice, but have layers of interpretation, often with nefarious insinuations. So forgive me if I’m interpreting this differently than you. Jesus taught in parables, so that we could learn what we were ready to learn. Maybe Holland is attempting the same.
But per my interpretations, and past experience, it looks like, in addition to name calling, they’ve also additionally said that when we leave the church, we are selfish in our “faithfulness” decisions, in some kind of petty popularity ploy, and that we are damaging our children (and others) through our selfishness.
But I have to ask. Are “educated,” “logical,” and “discerning” the same as “clever?” Does the church still consider “intellectuals” their enemies? Is it really so wrong to look at the church - the history, the present, all of it - and form intelligent and fully-informed conclusions? Does that make us “clever”? Who knew. I guess I DO want to be clever.
I can assure, my cleverness was also discussed between me and God, at length, when I was having my faith crisis. It was God who guided me in my conclusions, and ultimately, my decision to leave the church - “away from faithfulness.” So God must be fairly clever as well.
Then the attack on independence.
I’m trying to piece this together. Is Holland stating that parents who move “away from faithfulness,” (which, in Mormonism, any move away from THEIR specific church is), are parents who are resentful of their dependent children, and are parents who wish to be independent from their children’s needs? Or, in the case of “others,” are we considered resentful of natural community group psychological needs for togetherness and belonging, so we dump “faithfulness” in our efforts to achieve independence? And inadvertently take others with us?
I love that I can be accused of “just desiring independence.” It sounds like Holland accused people who leave the church of “just doing it for attention,” or “to be special.”
It’s true. When I left the church, I wanted to be independent. It was a major part of why I removed my name formally. I didn’t want to be controlled, or threatened with hellfire by any man who might take it upon himself to do so. So yes, I wanted to be independent. I wanted my salvation to be worked out with fear and trembling in my own hands, not in check marks on paperwork in some corporate office building.
Strange, that a desire for independent faithfulness would be considered a “bad” thing.
Trust. If Elder Holland genuinely believed what he was saying here, it shows a complete lack of trust in people to have personal revelation, or personal relationships with deity, that they can work out on their own.
The ability to choose is something that church doctrine preaches as being a principle so valuable it was the reason behind the war in heaven. Christ, and so all of us, fought for the ability to retain our agency - our ability to choose right and wrong. We fought for the ability to fail. Do we genuinely doubt God so much so that we do not believe God can save those who choose what they genuinely feel to be right? Do we doubt God’s power so much that we doubt His ability to save the children of those who have “been led astray”? Did God’s original plan not account for actual agency, that now we need to remind everyone that they don’t actually have “the license” to act on their own consciences? Their own revelation? Their own spirits?
I think what we see here is telling. Someone brought up this old 2003 quote, attached it to a present day picture of Elder Holland, to make it seem more presently important, and resurfaced the quote.
But why?
The church is losing membership at an alarming rate. At this point, it’s an undeniable fact. (Wheat and tares, sure, comfort yourself how you will, but I will see only the failed interpretation of prophecy of a stone cut from the mountain without hands.) Someone, somewhere, saw this quote, and thought it applied to today’s situation, and resurrected it. But what does this quote do?
Guilt. Shame. Threatening. Otherizing.
These are terrible ways to encourage a congregation to “stay in the church.” It is blatant manipulation in the very least, but likely also spiritually abusive.
If people disagree with US, there’s something wrong with them, and they are bad, and not as good as US. Right?
Every time some church leader quote pops up, like this, it is infuriating. “You can leave the church, but you can’t leave the church alone,” you may say. Damn right. Because of my family. Because I have siblings and parents who Holland was addressing, here. Frankly, Holland was addressing ME, and it made me a terrible bigot, who couldn’t see past her own religion to view the non-Mormon people in her life as GOOD.
Today, this quote made me mad, because it brought up all of my ever-present concerns about my family. Because although this quote is from 2003, it is literally still being taught today.
The church is telling my family that I am self-absorbed, and just doing this for attention.
The church is telling my family that I am stupid, and looking for excuses to sin, because I LIKE to sin.
The church is telling my family that I never even really cared about people, by being a good disciple of Jesus, anyway. I don’t even care about anyone other than myself.
The church is telling my family that I am hurting my children.
How do you think this affects my relationships with my family?
Family - Isn’t It About Time? Or is that just for families who toe the line, follow the leader, hand over their money and submit to their husbands? Family is only important, to the church, if none of them “get any ideas,” or seek for even the smallest authenticity and honesty in their worship and belief. No, there is no room for “independence” in the Mormon church, or the Mormon family.
So today I’m mad, again. I have a right to be mad when my family is being hurt. Because, thanks to social media quote resurrections, once more, my family is being reminded that I’m a terrible person. Even if they aren’t listening, or didn’t see this quote posted, the words of the apostles have and will always shape the culture of the church, which is what my family is entrenched in, and which is, arguably, what most Mormons are getting exclusively.
So damn the church. Damn them for what they have done to my relationships with my friends and family. Damn them for what they have done to mine and others.
A prophet would have seen this, and stopped it.
