Recently, like every other Latter-Day Saint woman and their dog, I went on a 10-day Social Media fast, as encouraged by our prophet. I knew it would be a good experience, like most of us, deep down, knew it. How many hours a week do we waste scrolling? A lot.
But to me the focus was on fasting from media that brought negativity, too. No more late night John Oliver or Colbert Reports with my husband. I was fasting from all of that, too. (Instead we watched Runaway Jury and had another Lord of the Rings marathon, which was totally legit.)
I've been back on social media for two days, now, and, like returning from my mission, I feel like I can see with new eyes what I was blind to before. I don't mean to run around "holier than thou." Please don't misinterpret. But it started my thinking.
Social Media is my number one bringer of "doom and gloom." On a day to day basis, I can safely say that I don't have many social interactions with people that make me feel like I might get nuked, brainwashed, or shot in the next week. On Facebook, it took me about 2 minutes to feel like that just might happen.
I'm not saying it's good to be blind to current political tensions, goings-on, or public discussion. It's really good to be an aware human being. Being aware makes smart choices. Knowing there's a scary white van driving around Elementary Schools in Herriman makes me make safer decisions. Knowing Saudi Arabia assassinated an American resident, and our President doesn't feel like calling them out on it, because of billions of dollars of "business" helps give me insight into the importance of voting for good candidates next month, and, on a more personal level, makes me evaluate if I have ever taken a more "comfortable" position, to protect myself and my self-image. Thought provoking.
There is plenty of good that comes from being aware. But I also feel more strongly now that pessimism is the beginning of the end. Pessimism brings hopelessness and despair. Being swamped with routine, habitual negativity drives out faith in God, frankly, and His love. It limits our vision and scope, and instead focuses our energies on worry, rather than on the Mr. Rogers mentality of looking for the Helpers, or of being the change that is needed, in the world.
When you spend more time talking with people, rather than reading the extreme, popular negative view, you come to find out that your day to day people really are genuinely good and kind. Yes, the world is full of issues, but when you talk to people instead of type at them, you come to conclusions, rather than insults and distrust.
I got caught in a Facebook conversation. (Dude, if you know me, YUP.) A friend was upset at something that was said in General Conference. They felt that Elder Oaks' talk was insulting to the Singles in the Church, and that "this kind of thing" is what is driving people away. Now, it might just be because I'm happily married, but nothing Elder Oaks said upset me, and I had no idea people were upset about it until after my Facebook fast. They felt that when Elder Oaks said that "many" are delaying marriage and family, he meant it as a personal attack on all single people, irregardless of whatever reason for their singleness. What one person felt negative about was blown up in a blog post, misinterpreted and misconstrued to fit with their own personal feelings of offense, when simply put, Elder Oaks was simply saying that we should be less caught up in the things of the world, and trust that family life is the way to happiness. (I'm sorry, but even if you're single or childless, you should still recognize that children and spouses are what God intends for us - yes, even EVENTUALLY - for our eternal happiness.) Their negative interpretation and bias was then spread for mass production, leading many readers to vaguely agree, "Why yes! I am single, and I don't like being told that I am wrong!" Motives and situations are completely ignored, while the negativity is spread.
This happens ALL THE TIME. Everything! And frankly, I'm kind of sick of it. Social Media almost proves that we would rather be unhappy about SOMETHING, then happy about literally everything else. I honestly do think that the Depression we see has a lot of root in social media. Frankly, if we didn't have someone suggest the possibility for offense or upset to us, would we be offended about half of the things we are offended or upset about? For my part, I can safely say no. Honestly, I wouldn't be. And our prophet is warning us against this danger of social media - primarily to the youth! I don't think he's warning them against it because he wants to brainwash them, and keeping them away from social media blinds their eyes to the evil that is their Church. No, honestly, I don't think that's what it is. I think our prophet wants our youth to get off their phones and experience life for themselves, and see the hope that is in the people and the lives around them.
If I'd opened my mind, been susceptible, and believed everything I'd read on Social Media in the last two days, then most men are shallow, sexually perverted, easily manipulated and corrupted. I'd believe that my church wants LGBTQ individuals dead, and doesn't care if they all kill themselves. I'd believe that the local school district doesn't give a dang about me or my kids, and that they are ignorant and stupid for changing the local boundaries for our Elementary schools!!
There are literally always two sides to a story. Talking to people, REAL PEOPLE, is the only way we will ever really know what the truth is, and in talking to those people, we'll likely find that our worst fears are highly exaggerated. I don't doubt some men are sexual predators. I don't doubt some members of my church have been hateful and despicable to the LGBTQ population. I don't doubt that I'm going to be terribly inconvenienced by where my children need to go to school, once they get there.
HOWEVER, I also know, from actual conversations with MEN, that most guys are actually pretty normal, like most girls actually, and have concerns, weaknesses, and faults, like most girls actually, and, for the most part, don't spend their free time thinking about how they can molest me or my children just for fun. I also know that my church believes in loving everyone. I know that in the past they have said some terrible things, pointed some blame in unjustified directions, but also know that they are trying very hard to fix those negative aspects of the past. Yes, they made mistakes, and stupid proud people have made mistakes. But they are trying SO HARD not to, now. As for my school boundaries issue? I know Herriman is going through crazy growth. I know the school board doesn't "have it out for the Lisches." I can trust a little bit more, and choose to be more optimistic, and grateful that I don't have the job of trying to make everyone happy.
Being positive and hopeful is a choice - and that's how I'm choosing to make my Social Media habits, now. I would invite anyone to join me! Yes, I'm not saying I won't post when my baby pees on the floor, and Julian screams and kicks me in the store, and life happens. Heaven knows, I might need advice, or an ice cream date. Sometimes things suck. But there is ALWAYS something to be happy about, which makes the down sides of life mere momentary inconvenience.
A few weeks ago I wrote something. It was a feeling I'd been struggling with for awhile, and the only way to express it, and give the troubling thought due credit, was to write it out. I didn't share it - only with my husband, who asked. And frankly, I'm glad I didn't. Because it's no longer relevant. The things I wrote I wrote in confusion and anger. I wrote them with tears streaming down my cheeks, and an empty upset in my chest. But over the next few weeks, the questions I had got answers, the unfairness I felt was consoled, and I came to a point of understanding and patience.
It is too easy to speak without thinking. It is too easy to post without care. Heaven knows, social media is the perfect outlet for such thoughtless, blind moments. But thoughtless, blind moments are not what we should live for, and fill our days with. Our days should be filled with family, growth, and God. So if that means less browsing of social sites, to keep that perspective, that's one option. Being more picky about the posts and individuals you follow is another. But all in all, I was grateful for the reminder of perspective.
That's awfully introspective for a Thursday.
