The statement was made, in class, that so long as we "do our best" every single day, things will work out. My mother happened to be attending with me, as she'd come to hear my husband and I talk in Sacrament Meeting, and help wrestle the boys. As she does, and as is one of my favorite things about her, she said something about that quote. She raised her hand and pointed out that she hates that statement. She hates the idea that we should "do our best" every single day. Can any of us say that we truly "do our best" on anything?
It puts out an unrealistic expectation. Instead of relying on God's grace, instead of allowing the Prince of Peace to bring to our hearts that peace He is so good at giving, we pace the floors in angst, wondering what the last few pieces are that we're missing, in order to reach perfection. Did I truly use my time the most efficiently? Did I find the BEST balance between study and prayer, family time, independent recreation, chores, or any number of other things that can be done with a day?
The honest answer is no, you didn't. You stalled on your Facebook feed for five minutes there, when you could have been studying your scriptures. You went to go rinse the dishes in the sink instead of laughing with the boys in the kiddie pool in the backyard. Every single day, you make choices that are less than perfect. But the fortunate truth is that perfection is not even on the table of expectations, from God. He knows you're not going to get there today, and not even in this lifetime. That's not what he's asking for, and certainly, doing your BEST is a way of beating yourself up for something that literally no one is asking you for.
For starters, doing your best every single day is a sure fire way to burn yourself out.
God doesn't want you to crash in a pit of hopeless despair every couple of months, because your try at perfection was, naturally, once again unsuccessful. Have some mercy on yourself! That route wastes a lot of time, in which you could have been happy.
What DOES God ask of us? Love him, and love each other. What does loving God look like? Frankly, any number of things, depending on who you ask. But if you think loving God looks like self-obsessed strict regulation, I think you're wrong.
When I want to feel loved by my children, it's pretty simple. I love hearing "thank you"s. I love spontaneous hugs, fewer tantrums, and fun conversations. Gratitude goes a long way, as does listening.
Love is NOT my son panicking and beating himself up when he has an accident in his underwear.
God is perfect, and I am not, but even I feel sick to my stomach when my son is anxious to tell me about accidents. It implies that I will punish him, or love him less for his mistake. It implies anxiety about himself, and his own capabilities. None of these things are true, or productive.
LOVE happens anew each moment, especially with a perfect God's forgiveness and capacity to be empathetic and understanding. Have I read, studied, and prayed like I should? Good heavens no! But Heaven has not closed itself to me, nor I it, through my own doubts and self-flagellation. These moments are not as big a deal as I think they are, so long as my heart is in the right place, and the direction I'm moving is consistent.
Perfection is not the goal.
Gordon B Hinckley was my favorite prophet. Perhaps it was because he was the prophet while I was growing up, but there's something about his smile, his peace, his infectious happiness, and real, sincere joy. He certainly talked about hard issues, and said some things I disagree with, but I love that man for his focus on joy. His wife was a strong, capable woman as well. A quote I literally just found while looking for a different one, is amazing, and speaks a lot to the issue. She said,
"We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are." - Marjorie Pay Hinckley
I love this! It's not about looking at the things we're bad at, all the time, but instead, focusing on the things that make us good, and allowing ourselves the room to grow through love, rather than "to-do" lists. I may suck at reading the scriptures consistently, but I'm dang good at talking about God all the time. I've really made God the focus of my life. I may swear sometimes, more than I should, I absolutely know, but I'm a real honest person, and I can talk to anybody about anything, and keep an eternal perspective through it. I get real down on politics, world events, and evil, but I'm pretty empathetic, and fight viciously for the underdog. I'm actually a pretty okay person.
And THAT's when I can grow. I'm not distracted with beating myself up. I can take the things I like about myself, and I can find some common ground with God. Then I've got something I can talk to Him about! I can ask Him questions about how He deals with this, that, or the other, that I struggle with. I can thank Him for the good times, grump and cry with Him about the bad ones. Growing this relationship with God, and loving Him is the simplicity of the gospel. (He doesn't struggle with reading His scriptures consistently. The law is in His heart, and He already had some of it written down.) Relationships aren't "the best" every day. Relationships are a little more understanding than that.
And relationships are two-way streets. I think so many women are suffering in the church, and think that that kind of perfection seeking is actually the right thing to do. For me, I don't think so. I struggled with the church for several years, going because it was the right thing to do, and I had a testimony of that. I had my husband and children, and even though I was struggling, I was determined to follow what I knew was true, even though it made me suffer. And I WAS suffering at church. I could look at my life and say that there was nothing this Church gave me that I couldn't find at a lower cost somewhere else. I could be happier somewhere else, but this one was TRUE. And that was frustrating. I felt like I was paying a terrible cost, my happiness, to follow what was true.
And then, through years, and many conversations with God, I came to realize that I was going about it wrong. That the happiness and peace was something God had already given me, NOT the Church, and that I had to bring it with me, and protect it from the culture surrounding me - to not allow that peace and love that God gives to be taken away by a culture that all too often seeks to overcomplicate, or put stipulations on it. Perhaps this lesson I was taught is why I'm so sympathetic to those who leave the Church - because I sincerely believe that sometimes God tells people to leave. Because the great commandment is to love God, and if the Church makes you lose sight of God's love for you, it can be very hard to love Him in return, which is the most important thing.
When Jacob saw the ladder ascending and descending between Heaven and Earth, he dreamt a vision, in which God promised Jacob a land of inheritance. He promised, saying, "Know that I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."
When Jacob woke, he wondered at the glory of the place, and vowed, "If God will be with me, and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat and clothing to wear, so that I come again to my father's house in peace, then the LORD shall be my God." I think that "If, Then" statement is pivotal, and something we Mormon gals don't always pick up on.
"If" God will bless me, "Then" He will be my God. If I'm not feeling the peace, not feeling God's divine guidance and participation and fulfillment of promises in my life, why on Earth would I worship Him? Do we worship dead gods? No, we do not. Worship is reserved for living gods.
To simplify the gospel is to make God alive in your life. Find Him! Know Him! Whatever that looks like, whatever it takes, find God. He looks like the best parts of you. Involve Him in your life. Once you have learned to hear Him, listen to what He says. You will find that you do love Him, and you love the parts of you that are from Him. It is through that mutual love and admiration that we have a desire to grow at all.
That is the simplicity of the gospel - LOVE GOD.
