Time, Time, Time

I've been thinking about time. Now, I'll be honest, every time I think about "time," I think of The Bangles singing "Time, time, time, see what's become of me." Bangles songs all have a tactile memory for me too, of sitting on the floor in my bedroom in front of my cassette player, absently flipping the Bangles tape case open and closed while listening. It's memories like this that make it far more believable to me that generations past used to just sit down in the family room to listen to the radio together. Because I did it too.

But Time. I've been thinking about it because a couple friends of mine were talking about a verse from The Book of Mormon. 2 Nephi 25:23. "For we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." My friends were discussing how this verse has always been difficult for them, because they stress about the second half of the verse and neglect the first half. 

As Mormons, we tend to try REALLY REALLY HARD to be good people. We have a lot of commandments. We have a lot of principles. We have a lot of recommendations. We have a lot of priorities. There's an awful lot of stuff on our "to-do" lists. So often Relief Society lessons include the phrase, "I need to..." and include a list of things that people feel they could and should be doing "better."

People should always try to improve. Improvement isn't something to be avoided, true, but peace and acceptance are also things that we shouldn't avoid. Faith, hope, and grace are also things that should not be avoided. (Hear me, those who avoid me! Do not avoid Grace!)

I pondered on this verse, and the implications my friends were drawing - that the phrase "after all we can do" often makes people feel that God's grace will not save them until they have done EVERYTHING humanly possible to be perfect themselves. 

How could this be interpreted a little more mercifully, I wondered. I feel strongly that God does not condone the ceaseless beating of ourselves that we do in the Church. I love the Book of Mormon, and I wanted to believe that it wouldn't encourage people to such levels of self-flagellation, shame, and never feeling "good enough."

I think I've figured it out. 

It's because God doesn't experience time like we do. 

One of my greatest loves in the Church is the Temple - specifically the initiatory and endowment. This process is one of progression - recognizing our received blessings, responsibility, and potential as children of God. To me it's a very positive, enabling experience, culminating, symbolically, in our reception back into Heaven. 

I've often wondered at the Celestial Room of the temple. The entire endowment experience plays as something that has happened, happens presently, and will be a part of our future. It is a ceremony and experience that transcends time. Unfortunately, that transcendence of time is about as clear as mud, because mortality really sucks, and we mortals have a hard time wrapping our heads around timelessness. But I sincerely believe that as we enter the Celestial Room in the temple, we enter salvation presently. We enter the presence of the Lord NOW. TODAY. If heaven was something meant to happen only after we die, that room would be forbidden us, and yet it is not. We enter heaven in this life. We receive the knowledge that empowers our salvation NOW, not upon our deaths. 

My love for the temple has really come from this kind of contemplation - reception of eternity in the here and now. Recognizing our divinity within and throughout our mortality. Still clear as mud? I know. It definitely is, and I've answered all of your soul's questions.

But I brought this line of thinking into this Book of Mormon verse. Through grace you are saved after all you can do. If I think of this verse with timelessness in mind, I believe that I am saved presently. It's already happened. I've already been accepted into the presence of the Lord. That "after all you can do" applies to my mortality as it is today. It discusses my heart more than any future possible action. I have been saved today. Christ's grace takes over from where I am TODAY. 

It's not about reading my scriptures more tomorrow, or praying more sincerely, or spending more time in service or in the temple, or yelling at my kids less, etc. Those little things aren't going to make a huge difference in what my heart has already become in this mortality - unless I make some serious steps backwards. Christ has already decided to save ME. That's why I was already welcomed into His presence in the temple! When I partake of the Sacrament, it is a feast of gratitude - a happy occasion where we remember having been accepted, and on what terms - Christ's atonement. 

Serious sins need repenting of, obviously yes. But your day to day failings will always exist. I'm sorry. You're mortal. That's not about to change any time soon. You must learn to embrace that Christ's atonement, Christ's grace, makes your Godhood possible TODAY. In God's timelessness, your beginning and your end are as one, and you are already known and accepted of God. "After all you can do" is what direction you point your life and your heart. That pointing of the heart and intent - to Christ - is the simplest, most essential thing you can do daily - that affects all future actions and possibilities. How well you do in this intended direction is just a fudge of numbers. Turning to Christ is what matters. Grace takes care of the rest.

Time, time, time. It's something only mortals worry about - and I'm constantly trying to relearn, re-figure-out, re-epiphany the moments of understanding of God's perspective on the matter for myself. Because timelessness doesn't stick in the mortal brain very well at all.

Clear as mud. Carry on with your day.

Morning Musings with Mum

I have loved living with my mom for the last month or so. We're in between houses, at the moment, as we wait on the builder to finish our new home, so here we are living with my madre. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but I've thoroughly enjoyed my regular conversations with my mom. 

This morning, while the boys were munching on their favorite dried cereal, my mom and I stood in the kitchen and talked. She'd been studying King Benjamin, and Hugh Nibley, naturally. She summed up this quote, to me, that she'd read this morning. (I'll just cheat and write the quote out.) 

From Hugh Nibley's Commentary on the Book of Mormon Volume 1:

"The Book of Mormon tells us in Ether, the brother of Jared said, God talked to me in all humility, as one man to another. To be humble is not to bow down to somebody who is above you, not to lick the boss's boots, not to be subservient to higher rank, but to be equal with all. That's to be humble. Our thing is usually to be arrogant to those below you and subservient to those above you. That's the way you get success in this world, but that's not to be humble at all. Remember, the Lord himself is humble, as the brother of Jared said... To be humble is to speak to one as you would to another."

I loved this insight, from my mother (and Hugh Nibley). To me, this was incredibly empowering in a way I'd never thought of humility before. I have never had a hard time understanding humility as not putting yourself above another person. I'd never considered that humility also included not putting another person above yourself. 

Another scripture I had heard someone mention, recently, was in Alma 32. Alma is teaching the people who were cast out of the synagogue because of their poverty and coarseness. He tells them:

Alma 32:12:

"It is well that ye are cast out of your synagogues, that ye may be humble, and that ye may learn wisdom; for it is necessary that ye should learn wisdom; for it is because that ye are cast out... that ye are brought to a lowliness of heart; for ye are necessarily brought to be humble."

My friend had been mentioning the scripture as trying to find a bright side to "at home" church. With this key word "humility" on my mind, however, I started to see the scripture a little differently.

Because these people could not practice "church" - aka "Rameumpton," in this case - Alma felt that they would be able to learn humility and wisdom. The wisdom wasn't found at the Rameumpton. That place was full of pride and self-aggrandizing. Being removed from the church allowed these people to be HUMBLE - to see themselves as equal - no better or worse than anyone else, including the people kicking them out. Those Rameumpton snappy dressers were NOT better than them. 

It was empowering to me to see it in this light! Again, no surprises, I'm a nuanced Mormon, and have been vocal about my disagreements with culture, etc. Reading this scripture, reading Nibley's thoughts and talking to my mother, reminded me that we, mortals, are incredibly capable. The kingdom of God is within us. We are all capable of finding wisdom on our own. Ideally, should we gather together and help each other out? You betcha. But if we can't, we ARE CAPABLE. 

So that was a refreshing thought to start the day out with!

My mom also mentioned another insight she'd gleaned, this morning. So change of topic!

My mom mentioned a thought she'd had on the Three Degrees of Glory, within our faith. Doctrine and Covenants 76 speaks of the Three Degrees of Glory. Verses 81-83 describe that those who go to the Telestial Kingdom (or lowest) are those who DON'T deny the Holy Ghost, but do NOT receive the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Verse 77 describes that those in the Terrestrial Kingdom "receive the presence of the Son, but not the fulness of the Father." The Celestial Kingdom would be those who accept the fulness of God, then.

My mom was pondering on this, and interpreted it personally.

The Telestial Kingdom is for those who listen to the Spirit - people who want to "be good" but aren't interested in God. They are good, but not interested in being inspired by any particular group or religious figure.

The Terrestrial Kingdom would be for those who accept Christ. They are those who are full of gratitude for Christ. Gratitude for His atonement. Gratitude for the lessons taught. 

The Celestial Kingdom takes it a step further and DOES SOMETHING about it. They recognize that the goal isn't about Christ, the means, but about God. It's the people who want not only to be forgiven, but to be creators, possessors of wisdom, and people of actionable good. 

I loved this, also. 

My mother and I talked about our relationships with Divinity. My mother talked about how she has never had a "relationship" with Jesus - something I feel similarly on. Christ constantly encouraged people to worship God - not Himself. "The glory be Thine" was, in fact, His plan. It was Satan who wanted to be the Savior who received all the glory. Christ did not want it. Christ wanted us to see and focus on God, and God's mercy, love, and glory. 

When we pray, we pray to God. It is God who answers our prayers. It is good to have an understanding of Christ's atonement. It is good, indeed, to be grateful for it! It is good to love Christ for performing such an act for us! But this doesn't necessarily mean you have a relationship with Him. It is an experience of understanding and gratitude. Surely we will remember the love our divine elder brother has for us, when we meet Him, because we do love Him, and He us, but we do not presently have a relationship with Him - one of communication and reciprocity. That is with God. 

God is my goal. That is who I want to be with most. That is who I want to be like. (Christ too, obviously, but we must recognize where the good comes from, and it comes from one step higher.) 

I love living with my mom. We may never leave.