I dream a lot of dreams. Last night Brendan Fraser, who was playing the paternal protector role, pulled the ancient ring off of the skeleton we found in the cave before he died, and I was able to use that ring to charter a ship and a crew back to the island... I dream great dreams, and Brendan Fraser is in an embarrassing number of them.
The night before last night, however, I dreamed a different kind of dream. I feel greatly blessed that sometimes God sends me dreams with messages. In college I dreamed that someone was painting clear paint on my food, and slowly poisoning me. I was dating a guy at the time who, though not literally poisoning me, was poisoning my spirit. I knew the dream was a warning, and promptly dumped the guy the next day. (In retrospect, DEFINITELY the right choice.)
Night before last, though, I was with a group of people on a hike. It was a crazy hike, the kind that would never be open to the public. Angels Landing on steroids. There were rock bridges only a foot wide, sandy mountains to climb, steep ledges to cross, and finally, a rock wall with footholds only half an inch wide. Along the path I saw a lot of people enjoying themselves, playing in snow, or otherwise generally exploring. But I wanted to get to the end of the hike.
Once I finally made it up that last rock wall, I saw it - a beach.
I LOVE the beach. I was so excited that I'd made it! My family, who hadn't been a part of the dream previously, was suddenly there, and I was so excited! My two toddlers came running, with my husband trailing behind. We were all smiles and laughter. I put a life vest on my oldest, Julian, and Nathan ran off to change into a swimsuit. As I was standing there with my babies, I saw the first big wave.
Very quickly I realized I was in over my head. I hadn't realized how big those waves would be. The first wave rocked at our feet, and I struggled to hold onto my babies' hands. The second wave hit, and we crashed backwards, swept off our feet by the wave and carried into... a wall?
The water didn't relent. It just got deeper and deeper, rising while trapping us against the wall, which held the water in. I lost Julian. He was swept away in a current, yelling at the water's surface, bobbing away in his little life vest. I screamed for Nathan to get him. I waved and gestured, all the while doing my best to hold Dexter over my head, to keep his head above the ever rising water.
Fortunately, I woke up at that point. I woke up and I cried, because I knew the dream had a meaning.
All my life I have been a fairly religious "Nazi." Not in the "don't drink caffeine" way, but in following all the little rules that make up that For the Strength of the Youth pamplet, kind of thing. I've been fortunate that I've never really struggled with anything so obviously a "sin" in my life - except pride. Like many members of my church before me, I have struggled with my own self-righteousness, and lack of mercy for those who fall off the path. In recent years, I have improved. I've had more questions that have made me consider what I truly believe, and it has been a very eye opening experience for me, that I'm continuing to grow in.
This dream explained the faults in my system better than anything I had ever understood before.
Beaches are great. You can enjoy the beach from the view in your car, you can enjoy the beach on the sand, and you can enjoy the beach in the water - surfing on those waves. Beaches are GREAT.
Heaven is great. You can enjoy heaven in any of the three degrees of glory that we believe in, in our church. Celestial, Terrestrial, Telestial. All are kingdoms of glory, and ought to be enjoyed.
Our church has the very important job of telling its members how to attain the highest degree of glory - the Celestial kingdom. To have a church tell you exactly how to get to anything less than perfection defeats the purpose - churches are supposed to bring you back up to God's presence, and set the example of what "perfection" is supposed to be. Church, if you will, is suppose(d to draw the line in the sand. Church lays out, plainly, what will help you attain Celestial glory - staying within the lines and bounds set by the Lord, and how, exactly, to ride those waves and surf your hearts out.
Sometimes, through the imperfections of mortals, the church's teachings are misinterpreted as walls, not mere lines in the sand. Parents do their best to force their children to stay in the water, and, if they start to drown or falter, there is no mercy on the heavenly side of the wall. Children who struggle with LGBTQ issues, chastity, drugs or alcohol, etc, are left to drown, or, fundamentally, disowned, and cast to the other side of the wall.
I know many who have left The Church. I have not drawn back or hesitated to join in those discussions. (I am, humbly, pretty much an expert on anti-Mormon information.) The number one complaint I hear from those who have left the church, or those who have never been members of the church, is the complaint of THE WALL. Members close themselves off in their perceived bubbles of righteousness, shoving off those who are different, have made mistakes, or willingly choose a different path.
But lines in the sand and walls are entirely different. Lines allow room for others to grow. Lines allow room for people to struggle, take a step back for a breath of air, and then return, with no judgement. Lines allow room for us to continue to have conversations, relationships, and friendships with those who may not want to get their feet wet in the water with us, but are happy sunbathing on their towels. We don't have to ignore them. They are our friends, they are our family, and they are deserving of love too. Heck sake, for missionary work, lines allow other people to have a glimpse of the great fun we're having in the water, and might even convince a couple people to come in and join us! But it's okay if they don't, because we are literally ALL AT THE BEACH. (Don't underestimate beaches!!! I truly believe that some people are happier on the sand then in the water, where, lets get real, there is seaweed.)
Many unknowingly build walls where no walls were intended. It is the parents who don't let their kids play with "non-members," so as to avoid their children being... contaminated? (I have no clue.) It's the parents who kick their children out of the house, if their children come out as gay, or refuse to invite those significant others over for family evenings. As was announced as reversed, the day that I had this dream, it is policies that forbid children of LGBTQ families from being baptized at age 8. (That was a very unnecessary wall for an innocent 8 year old to have to deal with.) It is people looking at the woman at church with the "too short of skirt," and weighing her up and down in their eyes. In that instance, there is no visible wall, but the wall was already set in that individual's heart - judgment, condemnation, without prioritizing the individual, irregardless of where they stood on the beach.
Christ taught us to love one another. There is literally nothing more important than that.
Some day my children may struggle in the water that I would call the Celestial lifestyle. I can only hope that I have the sensibility to view the beach in its entirety, my child in their own unique, beautiful glory, and grant them the mercy to live how, when, or where they need, or wish to. I will always encourage my children to join me on the waves, but if not? That shouldn't change anything about anything.
