I have a type of sensory processing disorder. (Sounds good, doesn't it!) In short, what this means, is that I'm Superman.
Do you remember that scene in the newest Superman movie, where he's huddled in the corner, at school, being bombarded on all sides by SOUNDS? He can hear everything, and it's all amplified to his supernatural hearing senses, and it's driving him crazy!
Yeah, I have that.
This was first brought to my family's attention when I was a child, and refused to wear jeans. I wore sweatpants - what I called "soft pants" - until I was probably about 10 years old. I also remember being truly, 100% annoyed by tags in clothes. It was like having someone rubbing on the back of your neck, over and over again, with the bristles of a used toothbrush. It was a nightmare! So we cut them out!
For the most part, I've gotten over being annoyed by tactile senses. (Occasionally a clothing tag will annoy me, but for the most part, not anymore.) Now, my number one Processing issue is Auditory.
I cannot tell you how many times I've wondered if I have a significant hearing loss. Sometimes, I can't hear ANYTHING. Having an audiologist for a father has given me the opportunity to get my hearing checked out MANY times, however, and each time, my hearing checks out with gold stars. (Well maybe not as many gold stars as it used to have, after spending some time being a DJ, going to loud concerts, having screaming contests with friends, etc.) I have great hearing!
My issue is the Superman issue. My brain hears EVERYTHING, and can't differentiate to hear only the important things. Everything comes in at the same volume. Right now it's the sound of the keys being typed on my computer, the traffic driving by on the road outside, the humming of my refrigerator, the fan in my computer, and the clock ticking away on the table over to my right. (Ohp! The neighbor next door has just started taking a shower. I hear that too.)
I know everybody else can hear these things. They can hear that the upstairs neighbor has just sat down at the table, a car door slammed shut outside, and that clock is still ticking, and the cars are still driving by outside. I know everyone else with decent hearing can hear all of these things, so I'm not special in that. But everyone else has this unique ability I don't have. They can hear the person having a conversation beside them without all those sounds being an annoyance. They "tune it out." They don't focus on it, so it's something they eventually come to not even hear anymore at all!
I can't do that. I can't "tune it out." It's all the same volume.
It is for this reason that, to save time in telling my story, I tell people that I have hearing loss. If I happened to be stressed out, it only feels that much worse. My inability to hear only what I want to be hearing makes it grow frustrating and unmanageable.
If I'm at work, sometimes I'll turn one set of light switches off in the office, because there's a light right over my computer that hums, sometimes. Annoys the heck out of me. If I'm having a more stressful day, I'll often make my work related calls only when my co-workers are out of the office, so that I can hear the person on the other line better. If somebody walks in, I'm that person turning the volume up on the phone to max, and shoving my palm over my other ear, to make the sounds louder from the phone. I can't have whispered side conversations at times like this, because I can't hear the person on the phone line then. I worry, at times, that this makes me look like I'm hateful of the other people in the office - but I'm not. I am, in truth, totally thrilled out of my mind, when that nurse comes to visit. The reason I'm turning my back to you and covering my ear and jamming my phone closer to my other one is because I REALLY need to hear everything this person is saying, so I can get off the phone and talk to you faster! You're not annoying me! I just can't concentrate with everything that's going on, all at once.
So I went to Stake Conference, for church, a couple weeks ago, and didn't get anything out of it. It wasn't that I wasn't paying attention, or trying, but the Sunday session of Stake Conference is packed full with so many babies. It's impossible! I tried to take notes, but all I ended up with was this:
So yeah. I didn't get much out of it.
For awhile, I let this Sensory Processing stuff bother me. It's a huge indicator of Autism, but I just don't fit the bill on any of the social things for the Autism Spectrum.
I've comforted myself, now, in just accepting the fact that I'm a mutant with super-human powers.
And, you know, I'm okay with that.
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