#YesAllWomen - For Men

This last weekend my husband and I decided to go camping. We spent the night by our campfire, then the next morning decided to go fishing.

I was looking pretty average. I was wearing a tomboy military cap to cover my messy tangled hair, a pair of oversized Wal-Mart moccasins, a hospital t-shirt, and had doused myself in approximately a cup and a half of insect repellent. As my husband put it, I looked and smelled like camping.

My husband was down by the water, watching his fishing pole, while I was putting another worm on my hook, when the truck went past. Two men wearing sunglasses drove by, leering at me, as one of them whistled in my direction.

Quite taken aback, I turned to my husband in shock. “Did you see that?” I asked. “What?” “Those guys just whistled at me.”

Of course, my husband loves me. I can’t remember his reply, but it was something along the lines of winking at me in an, “I totally agree with them,” way.

I wasn’t really sure how to take it. Yes, I could have been quite flattered that I had far from tried, yet had gained unsolicited attention from a couple biker-types driving past, in all my sweatpant-ed glory. I could have been flattered that I was seen as desirable, in the least! I felt, and probably looked, like a homeless vagrant that hadn’t showered in years. And yet I had earned a whistle of approval.

But the more I thought about it, the truth was, I was just really pissed off. I was pissed off that I could be OBVIOUSLY not interested, fishing with my HUSBAND, and still be treated like I was some token prize or item to admire. They knew nothing about me, nothing of who I was, and yet they felt they had the right to pass a judgment on me. My body, no less, because it was obvious that’s what they were judging.

What pissed me off more was the fact that there had been two of them. They were in mutual agreement that that was how they could treat me. They could treat me as a fine butt and a chest, and as friends, this was an activity for them to participate in, while driving past.

Now, forgive me, because I’m going to get heated.

Why the freak would anyone think that was okay?! Now, I know there’s all this #NotAllMen business going on, but if some dude gets away with this crap in front of their other guy friends, then we have a failure in society at large, with men not taking responsibility for valuing and respecting women. Just because you’re not the one with the disrespecting attitude, doesn’t mean that you’re not allowing it to continue, by not standing up against it.

If you’re hanging out with your guy friends, and one of them cracks a joke at a woman’s expense, either sexual or derogatory in some other nature, if you are a woman-loving man, you will stand up for her. You don’t have to know her personally. You don't even have to know if she even has a name. Because she does. All women have names, all women have stories, and if you allow one of your buddies to ridicule and make mockery of a woman, like a thing to be itemized and categorized, or used for their own personal entertainment and/or self-esteem,  you're no better than they are. A man takes his calling as a protector and defender of virtue, women, and families seriously. (And yes, you are meant to be our protectors, or did you forget? It is a responsibility and gift given to you by God.) You should be attacking any assault on those traditional values like a fat kid on cake, the men of Dunharrow on an Oliphant, or like goats on a tree.

Am I saying the women are innocent? No, not all of them are. Some women are just as good at male-bashing as men are about women. Trust me, it's true. We can rate on a scale of 1-10 just as well as the next man can. Does it mean we can or should act possessive or lusty about it? Absolutely not. 

Equally, and I may get stoned for saying it, women may start the ill behavior towards them by the way that they view themselves. I'm sorry, but no porn star has the right to get upset when men don't respect her. She doesn't respect herself, and yes, heaven forgive me for saying it, she's asking for it. Similarly, girls who "dress to impress" are merely objectifying themselves, drawing attention to legs or cleavage. They're asking for attention in those areas, by highlighting those qualities themselves. But what does it mean for men, knowing that women aren't all innocent?

It shouldn't make a difference at all! Because in the long run, it's not about her at all. It's about you, and who you are, and how you're willing to think and talk about other people. You're responsible for your own actions. And if you're allowing those actions, behaviors and insults to continue in the lives of those who you mutually respect and appreciate, there is equally something wrong with you. 

One of my favorite quotes of all times, and don't ask me where I heard it, is: "Society will sink as low as the women allow it to." Unfortunately for women such as myself, the team of women that we're on, due to our natural biolgoy, tends to be, frankly, SUCKING at upholding values, at this moment. If it were up to me, it wouldn't be this way. But unfortunately, it's Miley Cyrus on the music videos, models on the runway, and celebrities' daughters running bare-chested around the city, trying to make a statement. So no matter how loudly I scream out "integrity!" and "morals!", those women are going to keep letting in slack on the line of our sinking society. The whistling, leering, AND WORSE, continues, because some women encourage it. 

That's why it's up to our men. You have no idea how important you are. So long as you keep accepting the "status quo" however, keep allowing poor behaviors of the past to carry on into our future, you are a part of the problem. So it's time to take a stand. Men who bash, who use and abuse women, who slander their names, their characters or their worth, ought to be very much alone in what they do. The men who think only of themselves, of their own pleasures and desires should feel like the outcasts. 

It's time for men to be bold about their loyalties. It's time for them to unashamedly state what is right and what is wrong. It is time for them to refuse any hint of male dominion and feminine slander. It's time to view women not as your extreme opposite, either enemy or pleasurable reward, but rather as your equals, your mothers, your sisters, your daughters, your wives. It is time to rethink what love really means, especially in a world of darkness and clouded judgement. 

Stop being a part of the problem. Stop accepting things as they way they are, and instead demand we try harder, look a little further, and step a little more confidently on the paths that lead to God, to strength, and to family. Encourage your friends, whether men or women, to respect and love a little more, and look for the good, not the bad. 

I am more than my body. I am more than any combination of my good days or bad. I am more than my weaknesses, my strengths, my family or career. I am more than my car, my house, my city, or country. I am more than your opinions of myself, or even my own. I am worth even more than my life. 

I am a child of God. So are you. We deserve to be treated as such - no more, no less. 

I think that's fair.