I'm a feminist. I always have been. Which is scary, as so many conservative Christians are quite adamantly anti-feminist, and I would consider myself one of those, too. But, as I figure it, if people really knew what feminism was, they might find themselves feminists too.
The feminist agenda you hear about in the news is, more often than not, either liberal feminist, or radical feminist agenda. Did you know, though, that there are other types of feminists? And I, myself, am neither radical, and mostly not liberal, either.
Radical feminists want to do away with gender entirely. They think the family system itself is sexist. They're the ones who coined the term "patriarchy." They think men and traditional relationships are the cause of their oppression.
Liberal feminists believe that equal rights can be changed through law, and legal reform - they lean towards equality and "sameness" with men - I should be able to be a firefighter too! They also think women should be "liberated" in having abortions, etc. However, they're also anti sexual harassment, etc, which is, for the most part, where I fall into this category.
There are other beliefs, about feminism, often overlapping, but a third category, where I relate the most, is called Cultural Feminism.
Cultural feminists believe that there ARE differences between men and women, and that those differences are essential. Instead of trying to be more like men, cultural feminists value the gentle kindness that women are more predisposed towards - not so interested in capitalism, which is all about competition. (They also believe that if the government were run by women, who behaved like your stereotypical women, the world might be a better place. And I can't disagree with that, because I've never seen it done. The Matriarchy?) They value relationships, cooperation, interdependence, sharing, peace, etc. They're usually not political, and just like to make changes individually, on their own.
So though some feminists are off their rocker, wanting to grow babies in technological bubbles, so that they don't have to feel like an oppressed woman with a uterus, some people are just feminists because they believe that you shouldn't abuse women, or assume you're better than them, because women have strengths too! In a religious sense, men and women are partners - opposites which complete each other, as a whole. Feminists merely state that we, as humans, need to remember this equality. Even though your CEO isn't a woman, and your wife stays at home with the kids while you bring home paychecks, you're not better than her. That's called feminism.
And so I'm a feminist. (I know, I know. You shouldn't sell your daughters as sex slaves, beat and rape your wives whenever you want to, etc. Her feelings are important too.) I'm a feminist.
So when my husband came back from his Priesthood meeting tonight, he told me about the talks they had given. And lets be honest, I got jealous, but mostly just confused.
How come Women's Conference was all about family, with soothing sentiments that, "You are daughters of God." and "You are vital to God's plan," and "Families are so important." where the men got talks about "Raise the Bar." "If you're still single - stop it!" "Fulfill your home teaching callings." "Stop worrying about looking religious - and actually just be a good person."
I'm getting pretty jealous that the men get talks, in their meeting, about things they can improve on, where women are just given comfort - not so much specific directions for improvement. Is it because women are less accountable, so aren't given detailed direction on how to improve? Or is it just because husbands, as presiders, are supposed to be passing this information down the line, helping their own families, by their own revelation and understanding of specific needs, know what to work on?
I imagine its the second. But what do you do when your husband doesn't lead?
We discussed this in depth.
Nathan hypothesized that, perhaps, sometimes men don't lead their families like they should because they hear so much of this radical/liberal feminist agenda, and they feel that, if they were to ever tell their wife, "Hey, you know, maybe you shouldn't wear that." or "Hey, you know, I think you're wrong, there." that they might be accused of being "the patriarchy," and just oppressing their wives. OR perhaps men just hear too much of women complaining about men!
How many women, do you know, who bash on men, or their husbands? (Plenty, here.) "He's lazy." "He doesn't understand anything." "I don't trust him." "Men don't do anything!" "Men are stupid." "Men are all in it for themselves." I hate to say it, but if people were saying that stuff about me, I probably wouldn't correct them in anything, or feel any reason to lead them, either! I'd be scared to try, when they so obviously dislike me!
But I think it's a vicious cycle, too. Because why are women complaining? Because the men aren't leading. Women get to resenting that the men aren't doing this that or the other, so she feels like she's got to pick up all the slack, gets mad at him, yells at him, or about him, and then he feels like the child in the relationship, and he continues to not lead, because he's scared of her, and she's mad at him for not doing enough, but he's not doing it, because he just wants to make her happy, and he doesn't want her to think he's bossing her around!
What drama!
So here it is, from a feminist. (Not a radical/liberal one, mind. Just a regular feminist.)
Men? We want you to lead. Men? When we complain, it's because we want you to be stronger. We want you to take over things more. We want you to take care of us. So we may be feminists, who are all about equal rights, and we might complain about how treatment of men vs women is unfair, and women aren't treated as well as they should be, but guess what? We still want you to lead. You don't have to run away from that! We want it, even though media pushes it that we women don't need you. We do.
In our culture, you preside in the home. We want you to take that position. We want you to enforce family prayers, family scripture reading. We want you to be the one who disciplines the kids too, who has the difficult conversations with family, who budgets, and reminds your wife when, perhaps, what she's saying or doing is wrong.
There's a reason men are given all the good stuff, in General Conference. It's because they're supposed to share it with their families, in the way their family needs it. But if you can't talk to your wife, how are you supposed to share it?
Feminists. I am one, but they've also screwed us over. All the loud ones, on the news, that is, tell men they can't correct women - it's not their right or place. But it's simply not true. We need you to talk to us honestly. You know just as much as we do, if not more, sometimes. We need you to talk to us, share with us your insights. Correct us as needed, and we'll do the same. Because we're a team.
When I tell you black and brown don't match, it's not culturally frowned on, but when you tell me that I shouldn't watch Married at First Sight, because it mocks the sanctity of marriage, I can ignore your counsel, and just assume you don't know anything? Not so.
Women, respect your husbands, and listen to them, which, by your nature, you're not always predisposed to do. Husbands, love your wives, and never be afraid to lead them closer to God.
Don't know if this blog post makes any sense, but it was my thoughts, tonight.
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