Friday, June 26, 2020

Time, Time, Time

I've been thinking about time. Now, I'll be honest, every time I think about "time," I think of The Bangles singing "Time, time, time, see what's become of me." Bangles songs all have a tactile memory for me too, of sitting on the floor in my bedroom in front of my cassette player, absently flipping the Bangles tape case open and closed while listening. It's memories like this that make it far more believable to me that generations past used to just sit down in the family room to listen to the radio together. Because I did it too.


But Time. I've been thinking about it because a couple friends of mine were talking about a verse from The Book of Mormon. 2 Nephi 25:23. "For we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." My friends were discussing how this verse has always been difficult for them, because they stress about the second half of the verse and neglect the first half. 

As Mormons, we tend to try REALLY REALLY HARD to be good people. We have a lot of commandments. We have a lot of principles. We have a lot of recommendations. We have a lot of priorities. There's an awful lot of stuff on our "to-do" lists. So often Relief Society lessons include the phrase, "I need to..." and include a list of things that people feel they could and should be doing "better."

People should always try to improve. Improvement isn't something to be avoided, true, but peace and acceptance are also things that we shouldn't avoid. Faith, hope, and grace are also things that should not be avoided. (Hear me, those who avoid me! Do not avoid Grace!)

I pondered on this verse, and the implications my friends were drawing - that the phrase "after all we can do" often makes people feel that God's grace will not save them until they have done EVERYTHING humanly possible to be perfect themselves. 

How could this be interpreted a little more mercifully, I wondered. I feel strongly that God does not condone the ceaseless beating of ourselves that we do in the Church. I love the Book of Mormon, and I wanted to believe that it wouldn't encourage people to such levels of self-flagellation, shame, and never feeling "good enough."

I think I've figured it out. 

It's because God doesn't experience time like we do. 

One of my greatest loves in the Church is the Temple - specifically the initiatory and endowment. This process is one of progression - recognizing our received blessings, responsibility, and potential as children of God. To me it's a very positive, enabling experience, culminating, symbolically, in our reception back into Heaven. 

I've often wondered at the Celestial Room of the temple. The entire endowment experience plays as something that has happened, happens presently, and will be a part of our future. It is a ceremony and experience that transcends time. Unfortunately, that transcendence of time is about as clear as mud, because mortality really sucks, and we mortals have a hard time wrapping our heads around timelessness. But I sincerely believe that as we enter the Celestial Room in the temple, we enter salvation presently. We enter the presence of the Lord NOW. TODAY. If heaven was something meant to happen only after we die, that room would be forbidden us, and yet it is not. We enter heaven in this life. We receive the knowledge that empowers our salvation NOW, not upon our deaths. 

My love for the temple has really come from this kind of contemplation - reception of eternity in the here and now. Recognizing our divinity within and throughout our mortality. Still clear as mud? I know. It definitely is, and I've answered all of your soul's questions.

But I brought this line of thinking into this Book of Mormon verse. Through grace you are saved after all you can do. If I think of this verse with timelessness in mind, I believe that I am saved presently. It's already happened. I've already been accepted into the presence of the Lord. That "after all you can do" applies to my mortality as it is today. It discusses my heart more than any future possible action. I have been saved today. Christ's grace takes over from where I am TODAY. 

It's not about reading my scriptures more tomorrow, or praying more sincerely, or spending more time in service or in the temple, or yelling at my kids less, etc. Those little things aren't going to make a huge difference in what my heart has already become in this mortality - unless I make some serious steps backwards. Christ has already decided to save ME. That's why I was already welcomed into His presence in the temple! When I partake of the Sacrament, it is a feast of gratitude - a happy occasion where we remember having been accepted, and on what terms - Christ's atonement. 

Serious sins need repenting of, obviously yes. But your day to day failings will always exist. I'm sorry. You're mortal. That's not about to change any time soon. You must learn to embrace that Christ's atonement, Christ's grace, makes your Godhood possible TODAY. In God's timelessness, your beginning and your end are as one, and you are already known and accepted of God. "After all you can do" is what direction you point your life and your heart. That pointing of the heart and intent - to Christ - is the simplest, most essential thing you can do daily - that affects all future actions and possibilities. How well you do in this intended direction is just a fudge of numbers. Turning to Christ is what matters. Grace takes care of the rest.

Time, time, time. It's something only mortals worry about - and I'm constantly trying to relearn, re-figure-out, re-epiphany the moments of understanding of God's perspective on the matter for myself. Because timelessness doesn't stick in the mortal brain very well at all.

Clear as mud. Carry on with your day.

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