Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Sweet Spirit, Hear My Prayer

The day my convert mother discovered that she did, in fact, have a Mormon relative who had moved to Utah, was an exciting day for her. It would have been a second cousin four times removed, but that didn't matter. My mother was thrilled to know that more family had followed in her footsteps - joined the Mormon church - and that she could visit their grave herself, just a short drive down the road.

We did visit the grave. I remember hunting for it in the Salt Lake City Cemetery, and being uninspired by it, as teenagers are apt to be, with their parents' dreams.

My mother traveled to another part of the state, where one of her relative's polygamist wives' dress was on display in a museum. (I wonder where I get my desire to "see and feel" the history that is dear and personal to me, from.) 

That dress, though, told a story. That dress told a story that I only dared take in after leaving this church that I had been raised in, and that my mother and other family members for generations had sacrificed everything to join.

Can I tell you about Ann Winter?


Obviously this woman is stunning and no blood relative of mine. (I was related, DISTANTLY, to her second husband.) 

William Miller, her first husband, joined the Mormon church in England, alongside his sister Eliza, in 1847. He was a bookbinder, a weaver, and a cobbler. Eventually he went on to marry Ann Winter on Christmas Day of 1854. 

Decades later, having received financial aid from his sister and her husband, John Daynes, in Utah, the family departed Liverpool with 800 other converts on the "John Bright." 

Family lore tells that Ann's mother, Victoria Bultitude Winter, was "very bitter toward the Saints and vowed she would not even bid the family goodbye, but, when they departed, forgetting their carefully prepared lunch basket in the flurry of last minute excitement, she ran to catch them, holding the basket in front of her. She stood waving her hand until the little family was out of sight. This was the last time that Ann saw her mother." 

Ann had a beautiful singing voice, and was asked by the captain of the ship to sing in a concert he was giving. She sang four songs: "Sweet Spirit, Hear My Prayer," "Willie We Will Miss You," "Beautiful Star," and "Under the Mistletoe Bough." 

When they arrived in the United States, William was asked to stand guard duty through the night, on the ship, while the company slept ashore. 


Ann always believed that he had been met with foul play and was thrown in the harbor, due to other suspicious incidents that had occurred near her husband, during their voyage.

Ten days later Ann's fifteen month old baby died. 

When Ann and the remainder of her family arrived in Utah they were deloused, and moved in with her sister-in-law and brother-in-law. 

Not much more is told of Ann. 

She married again, in 1870, on the day her second husband, William Henry Tremayne took both his third and fourth wives. Ann was married to him the same day that Elvina was, at the age of 33. 

We know her children grew up - one of her daughters becoming a singer as well. We have some of their stories. But Ann's story ends rather abruptly, and without much detail, except for the dress.

The dress is in Pleasant Grove Utah, housed at the Daughters of the Utah Pioneers Museum.

The story goes thusly. 

Ann went into town, had a dress fitting, and upon her return home, she fell in the river and drowned.

Was the river deep? It was thirteen inches deep, according to the most detailed report, which added the strange detail that she died with a bouquet of flowers in her hand. It reported that she had likely slipped into the river while picking flowers. 

Thirteen inches is not very deep, and when drowning, we don't usually cling to our flowers.



I don't know what happened to Ann in her last day. 

There are some facts we can see. I see a woman who lost her mother, lost her husband, lost her baby, moved to the desert of Utah, and was quickly married off to a man on the same day as another woman, making wife number three or four, it's honestly hard to know.

She had more children. 

Then one day she walked into town to try on a dress for a fitting.


One of the largest shelf-breaking items for me, in Mormonism, was polygamy. It was reading the stories of women who were largely forgotten, or idolized with ne'er a bad word said about them, about their experiences, or about how they felt about being replaced in their husbands' beds. Sure, we can pretend everyone was hunky dory with it all, and no one had issues, but as a human married woman, I hypothesize there were issues. I hypothesize there were a LOT of issues. I hypothesize there were a lot of broken hearts, broken children, neglected wives, discarded one after another. 

I don't know her last day, but for me, that day, Ann tried on that dress and wondered - who is this dress even for? 

Then she drowned, just like her husband William, with flowers in her hand in a shallow ditch. 

I read through her prolific daughter's history. There is no mention of her mother, her death, or any details of her life after England. Ann Winter's uncomfortable life truth, to her children, was simply... forgotten. It wasn't nice, or sweet, and so it was gently forgotten to the pages of history, buried quietly away under the tombstone of William Henry Tremayne.


Oh! Thou to whom this heart ne'er yet
Turned in anguish or regret,
The past forgive, the future spare;
Sweet Spirit, hear my pray'r!

Oh! Leave me not alone in grief, 
Send this blighted heart relief!
Send this blighted heart relief!

Make thou my life thy future care,
Sweet Spirit hear my pray'r! 
Ah! Make my life thy future care,
Sweet Spirit hear my pray'r!

Hear, oh! hear my pray'r!
Ah! hear my prayer.

Oh! Thou to whom my thoughts are known
Calm, oh calm these tremb'ling fears;
Ah! Turn away the world's cold frown,
And dry my falling tears!

Oh! Leave me not alone in grief,
Send this blighted heart relief,
Send this blighted heart relief.

Make thou my life thy future care,
Sweet Spirit hear my prayer
Ah! Make my life thy future care,
Sweet Spirit hear my pray'r! 

Hear, oh! hear my pray'r!
Ah! hear my prayer!



If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

If you are a Mormon experiencing these feelings, please know, you are not like Ann. You have options. There is a world full of good people who can help you. 
Ann was very much a victim of her time and place. She left her support networks in a time period without modern commodities such as internet, telephone, or even reasonable mail service, and moved to a hostile land which literally had people killing dissidents. As a woman in her time period, she would have been pressured to marry as a means of providing for herself and her children. 
While at times that experience can certainly feel relatable as a Mormon woman, know that there are people who understand that, and can help. Reach out to your local ex/post/unorthodox Mormon communities, if you are seeking assistance, or having difficulty with feelings of hopelessness and despair.

Mormon Spectrum.org - has a wide array of support groups for all those struggling with their faith, at any point of belief or disbelief, and any desire to stay or leave the community.


The world is a surprisingly good place. 



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