Once upon a time I was a Mormon. Yes, I understand that many Christians want to debate if that's Christian at all, but let's simplify and just say - if you need Jesus to have existed, in order to get to heaven, you're Christian.
I was Christian.
Thank you, Jesus.
I remember the day that I realized I wasn't Christian anymore.
I'd been delving into my Jewish ancestry, learning more about Judaism and Jewish practices, culture, and belief. (This is 4 years of seminary, 4 years of religious university college courses, and many years of Gospel Doctrine Teacher later.) I knew a lot of information about the Jews, but now I was learning specifics, as well as Jewish justifications for their own holidays. I'd learned all about Passover, in Seminary, and the ties that Christians had made between this Jewish holiday and their own beliefs. I knew about Jews from a Christian perspective, but I was making it a point to learn about Jews from a Jewish perspective.
One day, as I sat in a church, drinking grape juice out of the quaintest of cute little plastic cups, with individual pull-back lids, which was SO ADORBS - YES, I was geeking out and probably hormonal - I was caught off guard. Perhaps I was reminding myself I was supposed to be thinking about the blood of Jesus Christ, not my kitsch interests, and OH MY GOSH, DO THEY SELL THEM LIKE THIS ONLINE?!
I thought about Jesus, and I thought about this grape juice - actually red, in symbolism of Christ's blood - and I realized... Oh my gosh. We're supposed to be drinking His BLOOD.
I knew this, logically, but drinking red liquid instead of the clear liquid of my youth, it made me look at things a little differently.
I realized that drinking blood was SUPER not kosher.
...
In very casual terms, let me explain why this was huge.
In Acts 10, there's a big scene where Peter is instructed, through a vision, that God is not holding Christians to the Jewish dietary laws any longer. This was a big deal, for these Jewish apostles. And it was new for them, as well.
...
I realized that in the telling of the Last Supper, when Jesus is telling his apostles to drink in remembrance of His blood, that literally no Jewish man would have sat back and been like, "Yes." No, they would have freaked out, or at least MENTIONED something about the perverse thing Jesus is suggesting to them.
I knew that the the historicity of Christ was something that could be up for question. I knew that the scriptures we had were written hundreds of years after the events, and as is the case with scripture, was probably written from third hand or fourth hand or FIFTH hand accounts. I knew that any parable or miracle might have included more to the story than we knew, and I was okay with that.
But I wasn't okay with Jewish men suddenly being "okay" with being told to drink in memory of someone's blood.
I realized that likely didn't happen.
Attis was a cult around 1200 BC which involved the ritual eating of a dead god. This was also a ritual observed in ancient Egypt, as well as Mithraism (300 BC) - all of which predate Christ. Chicken or the egg, is how I would have argued this as a Christian - they knew Christ would do this, due to prophecy, so it looks the same. But maybe it's just because the idea was taken from those other practices as a way of convincing greco-roman converts to join with Christianity, though familiarity. (The Church has done the same thing with Christmas. It would not be unheard of to apply a Christian lense to an already popular pagan tradition.)
I sat there with the cutest little grape juice cup and realized... I don't think the Last Supper happened.
...
Christianity fell to threads.
If the Sacrament/Communion was a lie, did Jesus ever even say that He died "for" anybody? Maybe he just died.
Maybe he was just a dude who died.
(Don't even get me started on the rabbit hole of "WHAT IF he DIDN'T die, and just faked his death, and moved to Asia?" It's a fantastic rabbit hole that I invite you to go down on your own time. I first heard it from one of our Muslim investigators on my mission. Turns out, it's not a small, insignificantly held theory. Lots of people believe this.)
Maybe Jesus wasn't a Savior. Maybe he was an awesome political activist?
And just like that, I was no longer a Christian.
So, several years later, you have me now reading "The Templar Revelation," which explores the idea that "Maybe Jesus was just an Isis worshipper taking over from his cousin's cult?" Does it matter if this is true? Not at all. But little old me would have been aghast to see how many theories and possibilities have been proposed for the Jesus Christ tale.
I read the most fantastic bit, out of that book, that was so validating to me, and so eloquently explained why I feel that I haven't lost a thing, in losing Christianity. From the book:
"It is not difficult to understand the appeal of Gnosticism, although it was no easy option - the emphasis being on personal responsibility for one's own actions - but at the same time the threat to the Church of Rome is obvious. As Hermes Trismegistus supposedly wrote: "Oh! What a miracle is Man!", an exclamation that encapsulates the idea that mankind contains the divine spark. Neither Gnostics nor hermeticists grovelled before their God. Unlike Catholics, they did not think of themselves as lowly and evil creatures who were destined for purgatory, if not hell itself. Recognizing their divine spark automatically bestowed what we today would call "self-esteem" or confidence - the magic ingredient in the process of fulfilling one's potential. This was the key to the Renaissance as a whole, and the fearlessness it induced can be seen in the sudden opening up of the world through circumnavigation and exploration. Worse still, as far as the Church was concerned, this notion of individual potential for godhood implied that WOMEN were as good as men, at least spiritually. Gnostic women had always had a voice, and even officiated at religious ceremonies: this was one of the major threats that Gnosticism posed to the Catholic church. Moreover, the idea of mankind's essentially divine status did not accord with the Christian idea of "original sin" - the idea that all men and women are born sinful because of the Fall of Adam and Eve (especially the latter). Because all children are the result of the "shameful" sex act, that idea inextricably linked women and children in a kind of everlasting conspiracy against pure men and a vengeful God. Gnostics and hermeticists, on the whole, had no truck with 'original sin.'
"Each individual was encouraged to explore both outer and inner worlds for him/herself - experiencing gnosis, knowledge of the Divine. This emphasis on individual salvation was totally antithetical to the Church's insistence that only priests were the conduits through which God might communicate with mankind. The Gnostic idea of a direct line to God, as it were, threatened the Church's very existence." (It goes on, but that's enough.)
I read these paragraphs, and "felt the spirit." I felt it was true.
Christianity creates a system where humans are bad, in need of saving.
If you don't believe that you are inherently bad, Christianity offers you nothing besides (SOMETIMES) great inspiring quotes and examples. Anyone can read a book, though, and learn the same lessons.
This quote from the book was talking about Gnostics and Hermeticists, but for me, it rang true to my "Humanist" leanings. Recognizing that good comes from WITHIN is incredibly empowering. Similarly, bad comes from within as well, but just look at the human capacity for good. "What a miracle is Man!"
Outside of Christianity I found self-esteem, confidence, TRUE agency - as I REALLY believed that I was responsible for my own choices, and real worth - because I AM - no need for comparisons or eventual "some day"s to measure.
Anyway.
This one's for the people who feel sad when people leave Christianity.
Don't. Trust me, we are genuinely happier without.
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